If you want people to like you, be 100% comfortable in your own skin. Hands down, there’s no more attractive quality than a person who is utterly comfortable with who they are.
Putting Humanity Back into Business
Last week, I gave two speeches at the Bend WebCAM conference. On Monday, my keynote was the fifth of five keynotes. On Tuesday, I gave one of three workshops in the last time slot of the day. In both cases, happy hour was next, and the folks in Bend, Oregon are VERY serious about their beer.
By the way, my keynote - The Best Talent Is Bringing Out Talent in Others - had very little to do with the web/marketing/SEO focus of the conference.
Truth be told, I spent weeks wondering, "Is this really a good idea?" It was. Going to Bend turned out to be one of my best decisions.
After years of self-imposed absence from the speaker circuit, I discovered my true purpose: helping people do good, instead of helping them sell stuff.
I used to talk about marketing and innovation, but finally got to the point where I just couldn't do it anymore. Too many businesses wanted a magic formula for growing revenues, but few were willing to adopt the "serve, don't sell" mindset that can make that happen.
My new presentation is straight from my heart. It's not a pitch; it's what I believe. The core of it is my personal credo:
Be generous and expert, trustworthy and clear, open-minded and adaptable, persistent and present.
This message didn't bounce off the audience. Tons of people wanted to talk about it, and wanted to understand how to inject more meaning into both their work and personal lives. The conversations didn't stop when I left Bend; I'm still engaged in many a week later.
By the way, my Tuesday workshop explained how my credo can help professions who don't like to self-promote. It was called How to Self-Promote without Being a Jerk.
Three Secrets To Success: Trust, Personal Contact And Relationships
Originally published May. 9, 2014 on Forbes.
Pundits love to talk about how fast technology is changing, how volatile our economy has become, and how disruptive forces are reinventing every industry. But their proposed solutions are often too convoluted or dubious to be viable as a means of protecting your career or growing your business.
Instead, I'd like to offer three time-tested strategies that, if anything, will become even more effective in the years ahead.
1. Build trust with others
Trust is everything. Being trusted - and knowing whom to trust - are the killer apps of life. No other metric so clearly delineates the difference between success and failure.
But this is not just an old-fashioned tip. In the coming years, trust will play an increasingly pivotal role in the business world. This is because it will be increasingly obvious - how shall I say this politely - who has been lying all along.
Every interaction through a digital device has the potential to end up as a memory in a database. By interaction, I mean everything from a purchase to a walk down the street or through the doors of your office.
Don't fudge the truth; you'll get caught. Don't do the right thing only when someone is watching.
As my friends Don Peppers and Martha Rogers say in their superb book, Extreme Trust: Honesty as a Competitive Advantage, "Do things right. Do the right things. Proactively."
2. Be present with people
It's ironic, but the more digitized our world becomes, the more people crave meaningful personal interactions.
My pet peeve is when people try to talk with me while they are simultaneously pecking away on a digital device. Fair warning: if you do this, I will stop talking to you. I will also perceive that you are too distracted to know you are hopelessly distracted.
On the other hand, it now seems like an almost magical event when another person focuses 100% of their attention on you.
Try this... when you sit down with someone, turn off your phone and tell them, "I don't want to be interrupted while we are talking."
Being present with another person is the greatest compliment you can give them, and nearly everyone understands this. Doing so separates you from the 90% of people in their lives who listen with one ear and talk when they should be listening.
3. Value relationships above all
Over a ten-year period during my early career, both of my parents battled cancer and lost. I will always remember sitting with my Mom on her couch, when she had lost her husband and knew she had little time left. She was stunned that some of her "best" friends had abandoned her, early in her struggle.
On the other hand, she was surprised that people she considered casual acquaintances had stepped up and offered help and friendship when she needed it most.
True relationships, she offered, were everything. She advised me to learn the difference between people you can count on and people who only pretend to be your friends.
Decide who you are willing to help, without any expectation of getting something in return. Those are the relationships that matter to you, and treasure them.
If you have no such relationships, re-evaluate your life. I can think of no greater warning sign of danger ahead than to be utterly self-sufficient and self-absorbed.
I am Bruce Kasanoff, an executive coach who can help you get what you want. Book a one-hour call with me and I’ll prove it.
How To Be Your Own Boss Even When You Aren't
Originally published Apr. 21, 2014 on Forbes.
I'm going to tell you a secret that you already know, but probably forgot. This secret has the potential to transform your career from pretty good to spectacularly wonderful. This secret is powerful, foolproof, and highly versatile.
Are you ready?
The path to anything is to be what you want to become.
If you want to be entrepreneurial, be entrepreneurial.
If you want to be independent, be independent.
If you want to be happy, be happy.
The mistake that vast numbers of people make is that they think: I will be happy when ______ happens.
"I will be happy when I'm rich and powerful" is no way to be happy. It is a path to being unhappy for all or most of your life.
"I will be happy when I get a different boss" is a path to being a downtrodden subordinate for the rest of your life.
Most people have a boss - or 12 - above them. Your boss impacts your life, no doubt, but your boss cannot impact what's inside your head, unless you make the mistake of giving them access to your most personal of personal spaces.
Your boss can make you stay late, or answer 517 stupid questions, or do work for which he takes all the credit. But your boss cannot control whether you think like an entrepreneur or a divergent thinker.
You control your thoughts. The path to what you want is to think as though you already have what you want.
If this sounds like mumbo-jumbo to you, it's because you do not understand how people overcome incredible odds. This is how an unknown boxer becomes a world champion. It's how a "kid" becomes founder of a startup that goes public. It's how a 13-year-old girl ends up in a starring role on Broadway.
For every such success story, there are countless other people who never reached such outward success, but who far surpassed their previous "limitations" by thinking as though they already had what they wanted.
So if you want to be your own boss, be your own boss. For some time, you may have to deceive your current boss into believing that she is in charge of you, but deep inside you will know this is fiction. You are what you want to be, what you believe you are.
If you want to be proud, be proud.
Start by being proud of your ability to control what is inside your head. Focus on that, and build the you that you have always wanted to be.
I am Bruce Kasanoff, an executive coach who can help you get what you want. Book a one-hour call with me and I’ll prove it.
Be Consistently Good Instead Of Occasionally Great
Originally published on Forbes.
How many people do you know who consistently fail to make any progress because they are always trying to leap past all the folks who are actually working? I'm sad to say I know more than a few.
Our business world is filled with aspirational mumbo-jumbo, from the posters put up by HR to the latest pep talk given by your newest boss. Everyone aspires to be the best of the best. Besides Avis, I can't think of a business that advertised the fact it was number two.
That having been said, I'd be thrilled to: have a book that's number two on the New York Times bestseller list, help a client go from a startup to number two in their industry, or have one of my kids be number two in his or her class.
(To make sure you get the point and don't get hung up on the number two, I'd be thrilled to be number nine on the bestseller list.)
I'm not suggesting you aim low; I'm suggesting you aim for consistent excellence rather than once-every-five-years brilliance. Try setting your sights on being trustworthy, reliable, persistent and expert. Instead of trying to be the superstar, be the person on whom others can consistently depend.
Our world loves sports, and most sports are a zero-sum game; one team wins, and the other loses. But this is a horrible model for our increasingly interconnected world. We need to stop glorifying winners and teaching our young people to admire only the Olympic gold medalist or the World Champions. It is far better to encourage someone to embody the Olympic work ethic than to brainwash them that the only path to success is to beat everyone else.
99.9% of us won't beat everyone else. We won't be great in the sense that we vanquish all others. But we still can be great in the sense that we consistently do our best and help others in a meaningful way.
Give me 20 people who are consistently good and we can change the world. The same is true for you. Align yourself with people who care more about progress than pride, who have a bigger work ethic than ego. Get stuff done. Get excited by what you achieve, and share that excitement with others.
While someone else is aiming for the stars, you will actually make a meaningful difference in our world and in the lives of people with whom you interact.
I am Bruce Kasanoff, an executive coach who can help you get what you want. Book a one-hour call with me and I’ll prove it.
Why It Is So Hard To Bring Out Talent In Others
Originally published Mar. 3, 2014 on Forbes.com
Great managers bring ordinary people together to accomplish extraordinary things. If your strategy for success is to build a "dream team" of all-stars, you are setting yourself - and your company - up for disappointment.
It is no easy task to bring out the best in other people. Human nature makes it extremely difficult for most of us to do this. It is tempting to hire the people you like best, to like the people who are most impressed with your ideas, and to promote the people who are easiest for you to manage.
In other words, human nature explains why so many business teams are ineffective, disorganized, and frustrated. We all have egos, and ego is like a voice whispering in your ear to reward the people who make you feel good. The problem is that the center of a great team is not your ego, but a common purpose.
To rise to the level of a great manager, you must first tackle your own limitations...
To offer a personal example, I'm an intuitive person, and sometimes unearth an answer while others are still eager to discuss numerous possibilities. The flip side of this tendency is that I can be impatient with "overly" detail-oriented people, and I abhor long meetings.
To be clear, these are biases. They are weaknesses.
Over time, I've learned that the more complex a problem, the more important it is to include detail-oriented people on a team. It also becomes important to collect a diverse group of people who look at the situation through different mental models.
Does any of this sound familiar? If you think you lack biases, you aren't being honest with yourself. Everyone has them; the trick is to not allow yourself to be handicapped by yours.
Pay attention
To bring out the best in others, you must learn to listen to the things you don't want to hear...
The people who disagree with your own opinions
The people who love the sound of their own voices, but who actually say things of value
The people who are too shy or nervous or disenchanted to participate
The people who think this whole process is a waste of time... and just might be right
A few people are innately talented at listening. Most of us are not. It is hard work to learn to pay attention, but you will never be a great manager unless you learn to pay attention.
Work behind the scenes
In our social media age, CEOs and entrepreneurs often take on the role of rock stars; they hog the press, and take too much credit.
A great leader does the opposite... she or he often works behind the scenes to empower others, to develop their talents, and to boost their careers.
Think of it this way: you are paid to produce certain results, not to deceive yourself that you walk on water. If successful, you will make things happen, and be handsomely rewarded for doing so. Do you really need applause for every smart move you make?
Be open-minded. Be present. Be humble.
Add it all up, and this simple formula is deceptively simple to execute. The truth is, it is not hard to figure out how to bring out the talent in others. It is just hard to be a big enough person to do it.
Go ahead... give it a shot.